are you so shy because you have an std?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
