she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
