Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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