You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
