Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
