Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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