I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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