Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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