dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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