My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
it's like iHOP with fire
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
