and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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