After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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