my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize