That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
