Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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