its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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