so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
