Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I have tasted many bathrooms
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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