i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize