you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
