I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Reggie can tackle my bush.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
