I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize