I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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