it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
