Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
