I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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