just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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