So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
