I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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