Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
