Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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