Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
bring money and cleavage
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
