he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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