I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
