make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
