I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
