hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
