btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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