i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
