"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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