Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
