Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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