in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
