I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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