i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
porn star boner night. come get it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Randomize
