At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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