In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
