Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
