Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
