Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize