we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
