Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
