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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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