I wish I could punch you in the face.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
