I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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