Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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