Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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