I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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