i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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