We're like a lot better than the average bears
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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