belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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