i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
