wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
