So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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