Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
