i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
