I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
