So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
