He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Let's get the cat blown out
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
